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Family Tymes
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Parenting
- old Yiddish saying
Apple-pie perfect was how Pat and John Alspaugh described their new baby boy, Matt. Over the next several months, like so many tickled parents, they ooh-ed when he reached out to touch them and ahh-ed when he spoke his first syllables. They read and sang and nurtured Matt whose toddler world expanded as he explored new objects, learned to form simple phrases and enjoyed being with people. Each and every growth milestone was met and in some cases exceeded and celebrated. Then, after about 18 months, incredibly, Matt began to lose headway in his development. He lost his ability to speak and began to regress socially. Distraught, Pat and John sought medical help and ultimately learned their son’s diagnosis was not only autism but regressive autism. “I think it was so much harder for my husband and me to deal with initially because we knew how ‘perfect’ Matt was in the beginning,” said Pat. “I’m a nurse by profession and my husband is a physician,” Pat explained. “We’d heard the term autism – but never thought that was the problem. Our own physician suggested Matt was just shy. Our older daughter was very outgoing, and the doctor thought perhaps Matt might just be reacting to his sister’s personality. We bought into that for a little while, but then we just knew it had to be something else. We never considered autism because what we believed back then was that autism was a rare occurrence. We knew only about severe types where children were autistic from birth. We certainly didn’t know about the regressive form of autism where a child is born, develops normally, and later becomes autistic.” Autism is a complex developmental disorder that typically appears during the first three years of life and affects a person’s ability to communicate and interact with others. Autism is defined by a certain set of behaviors and is a "spectrum disorder" that affects individuals differently and to varying degrees. Approximately one out of every 150 children is diagnosed. There is no cure yet, and the causes remain controversial. Both Alspaugh children received the typical early childhood immunization vaccinations. Shortly thereafter, Matt became ill, produced a high fever, and slowly began to lose his verbal and social skills. “At first we thought the medicine he was on to treat the fever was causing hearing problems,” said Pat. “After several days of intensive tests and evaluations, we finally got the autism diagnosis,” she added. Faced with shock, grief and pain beyond anything she had ever felt, Pat’s faith in God was seriously shaken. How could a loving God allow an innocent child who had been born “perfectly normal” to become autistic? To deal with her grief, Pat immersed herself into researching effective treatments, programs and options. “It was exhausting and I was so concerned that I wouldn’t have enough time for my other child – it was hugely traumatic. It took a long time to get any balance in our family life. It took a lot of schedule juggling between both parents. You miss a lot of time together and a lot of special moments of growing up with the child you’re not with at the time,” she explained. In 1993, Pat, her husband, and a small group of concerned and dedicated parents of children with autism founded F.A.C.T. (Families of Autistic Children in Tidewater, Virginia) to improve the quality of life for individuals with autism and their families. F.A.C.T. promotes the creation of social, recreational, and vocational programs designed to meet the unique needs of individuals with autism. They recognized the lack of social and recreational programs specifically for their children. Most children with autism are educated in segregated classrooms with children with similar disabilities, limiting or prohibiting interaction with typical peers. Outside of school, children with autism are often made fun of due to their unusual or compulsive behaviors. Pat and a co-founder even managed to spearhead “Camp Gonnawannagoagain” that provides fun and enriching social activities for children with autism. Pat’s daughter, Millie, named the camp! “When Matt was little, people would see him and shy away,” said Pat. “It’s a terrible feeling as a parent when you experience ostracism. Our camp experience is the first time for some parents that they’ve taken their child out of their own world. Being able to get the kids out in the community is a really big deal.” During this time of emotional upheaval, Pat’s crisis of faith led her to reach out to some friends who belonged to The International Order of The King’s Daughters and Sons (IOKDS), a remarkable non-denominational Christian organization of 6,000 men and women. The mission of IOKDS is to care for all God’s children through service In His Name. Pat recalled how much the emotional support meant that she received from The King’s Daughters and Sons, especially those who shared their own family’s struggles to cope with autism, and decided to become a member. She had always been impressed with the way The Kings Daughters and Sons modeled their Christian faith by their good works. “They’re some of the most wonderful and giving people in the world,” she enthusiastically stated. “It’s been a huge blessing for me to be able to combine my efforts on behalf of families dealing with autism with my work for The Kings Daughters and Sons,” she explained. “Then, having the entire organization recognize the need to help raise awareness of autism nationally was incredible,” said Pat. “All the Branches of The Kings Daughters and Sons have worked diligently on a variety of projects to help address the challenges,” she went on to say. “They’ve even become a major sponsor of several national conferences, taking a leading role in helping to serve this growing number of families affected by the disorder.” It’s been said that what doesn’t kill us will only make us stronger. Throughout the years of struggling with raising an autistic child and meeting the needs of her family, Pat was called to search deep inside herself to learn on what path God had placed her feet. Sometimes the path He chooses is different from the one we would choose ourselves. Although her relationship with God was tested, she found her faith was ultimately renewed and made that much stronger. Part of being a Christian is seeking the truths that God wants us to live by. Our spiritual journey is one of growth that doesn't end during this lifetime. As Helen Keller put it, “Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light. For more information on on International Order of the Kings Daughters and Sons, click here. For more information on Camp Gonnawannagoagain click here.
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